When our parents get older, we start noticing changes in their memory, thinking, and behavior. Some changes are just part of getting older, while others might be early signs of dementia.
For many of us with aging parents, telling the difference can be tough and emotional. You might catch yourself wondering if Dad’s forgetfulness is normal or if Mom’s confusion about dates is something you should worry about.
I want to help you understand what’s typical aging and what might be a warning sign. Spotting the difference early makes all the difference.
Memory Changes: What’s Normal and What’s Not
Everyone becomes a bit forgetful with age. Your dad might misplace his reading glasses, or your mom might struggle to remember a neighbor’s name. These small memory slips usually don’t affect daily life much.
Dementia is different. The memory problems are more serious and happen more often. Someone with early dementia might get lost driving to the grocery store they’ve visited for years, ask you the same question three times in one conversation, or not remember you called yesterday.
Typical Aging:
- Forgetting someone’s name but remembering it later
- Missing a monthly payment once in a while
- Needing help setting up a new phone
- Taking a moment to find the right word
- Misplacing keys occasionally
Possible Dementia Signs:
- Forgetting important family events and not remembering them even when reminded
- Getting confused about where they are or what month it is
- Having trouble tracking bills or following a familiar recipe
- Putting things in unusual places (like keys in the refrigerator) and having no idea how to find them
- Struggling to name everyday objects or calling things by the wrong name
Changes in Behavior and Mood
As we age, many of us become a bit more set in our ways. Your mom might prefer quieter restaurants now, or your dad might seem less interested in big social gatherings.
But dementia can cause bigger personality shifts. The sweet-tempered father who never raised his voice might now get angry over small things. Your sociable mother might start avoiding friends without explanation.
Watch for changes that seem out of character. If your meticulous dad suddenly stops caring about his appearance, or if your easy-going mom becomes suspicious of neighbors, these could be signs worth discussing with a doctor.
Trouble Communicating and Solving Problems
We all stumble over words sometimes. But when someone with dementia talks, you might notice they lose track of what they’re saying mid-sentence, use strange word combinations, or tell you the same story multiple times in one day without realizing it.
Problem-solving abilities can fade, too. Your mom might abandon hobbies she loved because they suddenly feel too complicated. Your dad might stare at the coffeemaker he’s used for years, unsure how it works.
When Something Just Feels Off
Sometimes you can’t point to one specific thing, but you sense something’s different. Maybe your mom seems fine during phone calls, but looks confused when you visit. Perhaps your dad is managing day-to-day, but he seems anxious in familiar places.
Trust those feelings. You know your parent better than almost anyone. Those subtle changes you notice might be important early signals that something’s happening.
The Worry of Not Knowing
Wondering about your parents’ cognitive health is stressful. It’s normal to question yourself: Am I making too much of this? Is this just a bad week for them?
But avoiding these concerns doesn’t help anyone. Getting answers—even difficult ones—gives you and your parent the chance to plan and prepare.
A doctor’s evaluation can provide clarity. If it’s normal aging, you’ll worry less. If it’s early dementia, you can learn about treatments and support options while your parent can still participate in decisions about their future.
How Memory Care Can Support Your Family
If a doctor confirms cognitive decline, remember that specialized help exists. Memory care services are designed specifically for people with dementia, offering environments and activities that help them feel secure and engaged.
These services range from in-home assistance to specialized memory care communities where staff understand the unique needs of people with dementia. Starting the conversation early gives everyone time to explore options without rushing.
When It’s Time to Talk to a Doctor
Consider reaching out to a healthcare provider when you notice:
- Memory problems that affect everyday activities
- Confusion about time or place
- Trouble following conversations or completing familiar tasks
- Personality changes or withdrawal from social activities
- Increased anxiety, suspicion, or mood swings
Before the appointment, jot down specific examples of what you’ve noticed. Instead of saying “Mom seems forgetful,” note that “Mom has asked what day it is four times this morning,” or “Dad got lost driving to my house last week.”
Moving Forward Together
Nobody wants to think about a parent developing dementia. But recognizing the signs early means better care and more quality time together.Trust what you’re seeing. Ask questions. Seek help when needed. Whether you’re adjusting daily routines, exploring care options, or simply finding new ways to connect, your involvement makes a tremendous difference in your parent’s life—and helps you find some peace in a challenging situation.
